The problem with being realistic

I spoke yesterday to a young boy, about 13years old by my calculation. He had a brilliant idea for a start-up and needed help building an app. His idea was so bold and had huge potential for success. I was awestruck by the fact that this boy dared to dream this big.”This child is definitely going to be great someday”, I thought.

Then I thought some more. I used to be this guy, the young dreamer. What had happened to me? If this same idea had come to me, I probably would’ve over-thought it. I would have thought about all the things that would stop me. To be realistic, there are a lot of things that could’ve stopped me. I didn’t have what it takes to pull this off. Even though I write some code, I’m not exactly a “world-class developer”, and I would need some extra skills to run a start up. I could learn, but where was the time? How would I juggle drawing bending moment and shear force diagrams, and learning all the stuff I need to make this work? Then there’s the funding. Plus, even if everything goes well in the development phase, how sure am I that the venture will eventually become profitable?

I was deep in thought when the truth hit me. My dreams had become less ‘dreamy’ and more real. It wasn’t that I didn’t dream anymore, it was just that I had become too logical, and every dream was constructed within the boundaries of what I thought was possible. These boundaries of possibility are no doubt carved by previous experiences and some knowledge, or the lack of it. To put it simply, I’d become ‘REALISTIC’. Thinking back, I realize now that I have become an expert in identifying ideas, dreams and concepts that were ‘unrealistic’. In a bid to help them, I would politely tell family and friends why their ideas were somewhat unrealistic and list all the compelling reasons why I felt so. I have no doubt in my mind that I helped myself and a few friends save time and other resources that would’ve been spent on ventures that weren’t worth the investment. But I also fear that by over-thinking, sharing my experiences and thoughts, and offering these ‘reality checks’ whenever my opinion was sought, I might have killed a few beautiful dreams — or made them a little more realistic. There are countless times when an idea would hit me as soon as I woke up, and by noon, the idea had been rendered unrealistic. Even though these dreams were fruitive, I would often think of reasons why I would not be able to act now, with the current skills, funds, contacts, age etc. Then I would find months or years later that someone had achieved some success with an almost identical idea, most times with less resources and expertise than I had when the idea came to me. Reality had corrupted my ability to dream. To be a little kinder to myself, I wasn’t always like this, perhaps I had become corrupted by all the ‘realists’ and failures around me.

Mine is not the case of the one-in-a-million. I’m confident that every one of us has had our dreams a little tweaked by reality — felt the need to adjust our ambitions, make them a little more ‘real’. It seems to me that a pattern exists — we dream as though nothing is impossible at first, but as soon as something goes wrong, we go back and adjust the dream, making it less interesting and more likely to achieve — more ‘realistic’! Unfortunately, this pattern transcends financial or career achievements and aspirations. Maybe it’s for this reason that older people tend to perceive teenage love as being a little stupid. Perhaps their experiences and knowledge of this world have ruined them, made them lose something these teen love birds still have — a strong belief that a fairytale ending is possible.

I’ve come to the conclusion that our lives will not always have the fairy-tale endings we desire, but that shouldn’t keep us from dreaming, from reaching. If I could go back to the sixteen year old me that wanted to author a book before 21, get a PhD before 30 and own the biggest tech company in Nigeria, I would tell him to keep dreaming and dream even bigger. FORGET REALITY. Of course, I am not trying to champion a cause for the carefree nor am I suggesting that we should enter into action bereft of thought. But when we are hit by an idea that seems ‘unrealistic’ we shouldn’t spend of our time thinking of WHY it can’t be accomplished but HOW it can be accomplished. Sure, we may have to modify our initial plan more than we’d love to, but it’ll be totally worth it. We should not adjust our dreams so they are accommodated by reality, we should adjust our reality so that it accommodates our dreams.

Thanks for reading. I look forward to your comments. You can find other stuff I’ve written here.