On insensitive curiosity

In 2020 during the lockdown, I took a stroll within the neighbourhood and ran into one of our Senior-Man friends. He had been in the area for a couple of years but relocated after getting a well-paying job that took him out of town. I was excited to see him. We greeted, with wide smiles on our faces.

A little banter here and there and he asked me a question in Tarok that loosely translates to: “My guy, what’s up with school? Abi engineering don turn ten years?”

It took me a couple of seconds to answer. I was stunned by his question, but I couldn’t even be mad at him. It had been roughly nine years since I told him I had gained admission to study BuildingTech and he hadn’t seen pictures of me in a white t-shirt covered in signatures, or a Facebook post with an appointment letter addressed to me. So I guess he just assumed that engineering was doing me ‘strong thing’.

I just laughed, realizing that his question was a joke, and replied “Ah Boss, me wey don finish service last month sef.”

Every once in a while I find myself thinking about this incident and how I would have felt about Senior Man’s question if I was still struggling in school when he asked. In between a spillover, one year of IT, and a series of strikes, I spent close to three extra years to get my HND. So I have a faint idea of what it feels like to struggle with school. I would have been devastated!

I know that Senior Man was just genuinely concerned when he asked the question, but the delivery was wrong. It was wrong to joke about something like that.

But it isn’t just senior man. In fact, his case is better because I truly think that his question came from a place of concern. We all know at least one person who has the habit of asking invasive questions they have no right asking in a manner that no sensitive person should be asking. I remember how one jerk asked my neighbour if his wife had taken in. As if that wasn’t enough, he went on to say he should take his wife to the hospital if she still hadn’t taken in yet. They were married for less than six months!

We all need to learn to be sensitive even when we are concerned, and that some things are really not our business to ask. There is no need to ask a forty-year-old lady if she ‘still hasn’t gotten married’. Or asking a couple “Unna still never born pikin?” Trust me, if you mean anything to them, you will know when it happens.

To be fair, most people will ask these questions out of sheer stupidity, but you have read this post, so you’ve lost the right to be stupid about this. Please be sensitive.